sweet dreams are made of these

every so often i have these lucid dreams, probably not a surprise since i tend to write about them because they unnerve me so much. they always seem to bring up powerful feelings, often ones i've forgotten or pushed away so far that i can barely remember anyway. then my subconscious launches them at me with the force of an assault riffle while I'm unsuspectedly sleeping away. I'm not even sure if it was a real feeling I've ever felt, but it was reminiscent of summer nights not so long ago but that have faded from memory. I would never consciously imagine that being back in the crook of that neck could make me feel so completely safe and excited all at the same time, but this morning it was a rude reminder of the small things I've let go of in order to embrace my loneliness.

I finally transferred all the music from my old laptop to my new one. What a trip, listening to old Dashboard and Dallas songs. It took me all night, but I think I managed to transfer all the songs and every single one now has an image/album art! Super pumped.

mad world

I find it kind of funny that lately i've been remembering good things about someone I once convinced myself I didn't care about all that much. it may be the time of year, when he spoiled me the most, or it may just be that I've realized the truth after all this time. I'd be disappointed if it was the first. what is the statute of limitations on throwing yourself onto old flames? and what is the protocol regarding apologies when there is nothing you can do to undo what you've done?

I miss you most at christmastime, and wish you knew all the things I thought I could never say.

No one knows where the ladder goes
You're gonna lose what you love the most
You're not alone in anything
You're not unique in dyin'.

It's strange to know every now and then
Fall asleep reading science fiction

I wanna fly in your silver ships!
Let Jesus hang, and Buddha sit

It's on now
The days are long now
The ups and the sundowns, and the twisted minds

If i've got to go first, i'll do it on my terms
I'm tired of the traitors, always changing sides

They were friends of mine.


Don't hang around once the promise breaks, you'll be there when the next one's made.
Kiss the feet of a charlatan.

Some imagined freedom.

All the rest is predictable.
You can say you're the fist to know.
Bought a mantra to concentrate: Car alarm or hissing snake.

I know now, how it's gonna turn out
You've gotta calm down
Or I'll lose my place

Gotta get to the centre
Gotta get to the concert
Run off with a dancer, gonna celebrate.

Welcome the new age!
covered in warrior paint!
lights from the jungle,
to the sky!

see now a star's born,
looks just like a blood orange!

don't it just make ya, wanna cry?
precious friend of mine.






Will I know when it's finally done?
This whole life's a hallucination.



You're not alone in anything.



You're not alone in trying
to be.

everything... and nothing.

it doesn't matter how close or far, how rude or how charming, how dirty or clean...
seeing that shit eating grin makes me feel like a giddy, smoking-hot eighteen year old.
maybe it's pathetic, but it's the closest thing i have to a time machine and it's better than any drug.

"What would you say if someone asked you about this night?"
"I would say that this was the greatest."

"he was cheating with on her with you? Or cheating on you with her?"
"uhh it's hard to say. i guess both."
"...so he was bi-cheating?"
"yeah, he was bi-cheating."