like fire and powder

i fell down the stairs today. all the way down. the basement stairs, narrow and worn with nothing but dull blue concrete at the bottom, littered with runaway screws and piles of lint, topped off with a layer of ancient dust. luckily, i fell backwards and not on my skull. but it still hurt. it's amazing how you forget what falling feels like when you get older. it made me feel like a child. i had forgotten the feeling of skin scraping on concrete. how it stings the palms of your hands. how the skin peels back and becomes dry, leaving a raw patch bare and sticky.

i don't have any polysporin. and i can feel the bruises filling up.

i don't want to sleep. i can't trust my dreams, again. i don't want to see his face. all it ever does is turn away.

you may tire of me, as our December sun is setting, cause i'm not who i used to be

it's too early for Love, Actually to be on.
daylight savings was today. should have been at the bar, i think, last night.
only a few more weeks.
nothing about this is easy.
i want mine.